Fucking everything hurts. I can only really type with my left hand, my right eye is fucking gone and I'm so sore I wanna cry like a baby every time I move. But here's a goddamn update: Ava is with us now. Kid looked mighty happy when she saw Cathy at the airport. Met us outside with it hanging in the background and just watching. Thought it looked right at us, but then you can't be sure cause' of the whole no eyes thing.

Hehe, I tell you what though, she looked like she was about ready to blow up at me and kick my ass for not answering my phone and then she saw me sitting there in the car. All anger? Out the window. Then came the "why are you hurt?", "what did I miss?", and "I am gonna kick that bastard's face in and beat him to high heaven."

I've missed her familiar annoyingly British voice and hyper attitude. Heh, at the time I didn't really answer, I think. I had so many meds in me I wasn't really sure what was real and what was fake. I'm good now for the most part, my fingers and eye throb every so often, and I wanna strangle Elijah when I look down and see all the nice scar tattoos he left me with, but otherwise good. We're gonna head to that Celeste kid soon.

Oh, but here's a lesson from Uncle Tony to all the good children out there: never trust strangers or people you know, kiddies. Also, pick your fights carefully.

It's one thing to go all out against a million bad guys when you have nothing left to lose. It's another when they threaten to torture your ex-wife in front of you if you don't come quietly. Fuck, just when I thought I had no heart too.

Also I take back what I said before about the traveling alone. It's a good idea to have at least one other person with you sometimes. Cause' then they come and stab an old enemy to death and make the other piss his pants in fear and run away. Hehe, you shoulda seen the look on that pussy's face when Cathy turned around covered in blood and crazy looking. Never seen a man move so fast.

Ava is threatening to cut my broken fingers off if I don't stop typing. I believe her, she's insane you guys. Guess I'm gonna pass out now. Apparently tomorrow we look for new clothes due to the ones I'm wearing being too "covered in blood, shit, and ripped to hell". Man, I liked this shirt too- who doesn't like the Sex Pistols?

Memory

I don't know how to make my goddamn links all fancy and easy to click on so here, have a copy and pasted version of it:

http://awandandaprayer.blogspot.com/2011/05/i-am-very-mentally-drained-right-now.html

Yeah.

You little fuckers can go read everything over there. I'm gonna continue to lay here in this bed and not sleep. By the way, crazy librarian bitch, we can pick you up any time. Just give me a date, time, and location and we'll come over and have a family reunion.

Also, there aren't enough meds in the world to stop my head and hands from throbbing. Overdosing would be too damn easy right now.

Kay's

Cathy wanted me to tell all you kids that we're with Kay, in case you guys didn't know. Dunno why, but whatever.

Nothin' much to say. My heads been killin' me lately- feel like I've got a migraine coming on but it never actually happens, just aches all day. And then the "Best Friends Forever" are giggling and acting like children nonstop. I swear, first thing they did when they saw each other was hug and basically cry as they go on and on about how they were so happy to see each other. That and they keep making fun of my pain.

Haha ladies, it's so hilarious.

Whatever. Just an update so you all know we're alive. We haven't found any leads but Cathy is more relaxed than she has been in a long time. Woman looked like she was gonna pass out any day when we finally arrived at Kay's. I don't think she's been sleeping much cause' of stress and this coming from the guy who rarely sleeps at all.

Shit my heads killing me. I'm gonna go overdose on pain meds and maybe I can relax a little bit.

Another memory.

I figure I might as well keep updating this thing with whatever I remember. Cathy doesn't want to update her own right now for some reason, so I guess you just get little old me, hehe.

We were driving by a playground and I remembered being a kid. Actually being young and playing with other kids my age and shit. We were fuckin' happy, I don't even remember the last time I felt that carefree. And there was this tall figure in a suit who was always standing behind this one kid, Tommy or somethin', and following him around. All the other children were playing with Tommy and his friend cause' his friend was awesome. Apparently I did too.

So it was in my past, but apparently it followed around another kid first, I guess. The memory stops when my mom starts calling my name and telling me it's time to go home. Pretty useless thing to remember, but at least it's something.

Also, Cathy and I haven't been able to find any leads on her grandmother. It's like she never existed, but Cathy is positive that she lived at some point. She frantic more than ever cause' of Cynthia's latest post. I told her what our daughter said and she looked like she was about to rip someone's throat out.

But that's it for now. Looks like the rest of you guys have been having a lot more trouble than us.

I remembered something.

Not much, but I wanna write it down before I forget it. The reason I went with it was because there was a man at a church who I was furious at. I don't exactly know why, but I remember following him around town until I got him alone and I think we exchanged some words and then I killed him. I think he was the first person I murdered.

Fuck, exactly how messed up am I?

Told Noc this, might as well tell you all

I'll just copy paste my comment, yeah?

Sharing is caring, huh? Well, this is for Ava so we can try and get Reach back faster. Don't know if this is what you're looking for, and unfortunately I can't give you much due to not remembering anything before marrying Cathy...but, I do remember those years running. And now would be as good a time as any to unload some shit.

I don't like you people, or, at least, most of you. But nevertheless...

I ran from that thing for maybe...four years, give or take. The other six? Seven? I lost track of the time to be honest, was spent working for that thing. What I did- hehe, I tortured people. It wasn't like it is now. You didn't give the victim a chance, leave them secret messages and watch them from afar. The best part was savoring having them in your grasp and seeing the fear in their eyes as they silently plead for you to just let them go.
"You're human too, why won't you help me?"
"Why, why are you doing this to me?"
And sometimes it wouldn't be quick. It would be slow, starting with the fingers and moving on to the intestines. They would be alive through it, writhing in pain and silently wishing for it all to be over.
And when they finally broke, blood pooling into my hands, I would hand them over to it. This thing would take them and break them mentally, play over worst fears and give them rays of hope only to crush them. Over and over they would be twisted and broken. It was fun to me back then, I laughed as I pulled nails out and broke ribs one by one.
And I still don't think it was wrong. I still am confused as to why it's wrong to have hurt them.

Hehe, you wanna know my secret? The monster /changed/ me. I lack the necessary emotions to function as a normal person. I am a sociopath. I am crazy. Something happened to my brain ...that thing did something to my head. And now I'm no better than all the other minions. Maybe even worse as most of them don't have any class, they just act on basic emotion and let it control everything they do. They weren't around for the good old days...good- did I say good? I mean the bad days. Actually no, I don't know if it was good or bad, it was just years in my life.

So there it is. Wouldn't say it before because I learned to lie and make the victims trust me. I don't work for it anymore but...people might find it a tiny bit more difficult to trust me now, hehe.

So there you have it. One of the things I do remember about myself that my parents didn't tell me.

Alrighty then

Well, I can't see through my right eye. It's making typing a bitch, and my depth perception is now thrown completely. Goddamn, I don't think it's ever gonna heal and being crippled in this line of business gets you killed so easily...

My wife had to save my ass because- shit- how could I have not known my parents were involved? I mean, hell, everyone else I ever knew has been either killed or taken by it, so it would make sense that it got to my parents. Hehe, I was stupid, you guys. A real fuck up. I fuckin' broke rule number one of running for your life: trust no one.

Damn, I guess...it's my parents, y'know? And I don't know how long this thing has had control over them cause'

I can't remember anything.

Might as well say it now since my daughter and her buddies seem so keen on slapping me in the face with this bit of info. Hehe, you guys don't know me- I don't even know me. Everything I know of...well, let's just say it's back to my marriage with Cathy and everything before that is...not gone, but blurry. Fuzzy. Can't make out specific images and shit. My parents- fuck, now I see how messed up this is- my parents had to tell me all about my past when I married Cathy because one morning I woke up and it was all gone.

But I can remember those eleven years. Very clearly. Heh. Six years. Six long years. Everything is falling apart. Cathy wants to go visit her grandma, my parents clearly tried to kill me or hand me over to it, and my daughter is seeing dead best friends. And I'm sittin' here wishing I could remember what was normal life before all of this happened and I can't. I don't have any old memories of being safe and secure to draw on and pretend everything is gonna be okay. And maybe that's for the best cause' at least I don't delude myself into thinking we're all gonna be alright.

We're all dead. It's just a matter of when we die and how we die. Just pray you don't kick the bucket soon and if you go down, go down swinging, kicking, screaming bloody murder, and taking as many bastards as you can.

I got a bad feeling about everything. Cathy agrees- it feels like there's something bigger than I originally thought going on. And we have no idea what the hell it is, but we're gonna try and find out.